Many of us spend more awake time with our co-workers than we do with our families, friends, and significant others. So it's important that you get along with your co-workers. Or is it?
I've always had a strong sense of separation between work and personal life. Occasionally, those lives intertwine. A co-worker has a baby or falls ill. You end up really getting along with with a co-worker and become outside friends. But for the most part, work is work and life is separate. At least in my life, that's how it's been.
I've been accused of being cold or closed-up because I don't share every personal detail about my life with co-workers at the Monday morning staff meeting, or because I like to spend my lunch break going home to walk my dog instead of gossiping with the secretary. I find excuses not to go to things like a co-worker's baby's christening. At my previous job, I spent the months leading up to my co-worker-close-in-age's wedding dreading that I'd be invited.
There are certain exceptions to these rules. At my last job, I felt quite connected with a few of the women, who were old enough to be my moms, and one guy, who was old enough to be my dad. And they were like parents to me. They gave me rides when my car constantly broke down and even drove me to and from the hospital when I was pumped full of anesthesia for an endoscopy. They knew I was in Florida, mostly alone, without my parents and they jumped right in. Because they had kids my age, I think they did what they would want someone else to do for their children. It was nice, and we became very close (by my definition). They supported me in my health struggles and I was privy to the details of theirs and their lives.
It takes me a LONG time to open up to someone. In my previous relationship, we had a running joke. One of us would shout, "Feelings!" when the other was getting emotional or sentimental. My close friends know I hate feelings, in the sense that I think there is a time and a place for them. It's not appropriate to show up to work crying because you and your boyfriend got into a fight (unless he hit you, and even then I'm pretty sure you should call the cops and/or a family member, not a co-worker). It's hard to respect someone as a colleague when they are constantly emotional or sharing little details about their lives. I remember a woman from the Junior League who told me she knew every little detail about her secretary's life - not because she shared it - but because she made all sorts of personal phone calls 3 feet away from her boss. That's another huge pet peeve of mine - personal calls in public places...especially the office. I remember multiple times I heard a co-worker call her therapist for a refill on her anxiety and depression meds - from her cubicle in the middle of our office! It was like she wanted someone to hear and go over to her and say, "Are you OK? I had no idea you were struggling with depression." Sorry, I don't care. Unless it starts negatively affecting your job which then affects my job...then I'll care.
I guess it was easier to hold this ideal of a professional life separate from a personal life when I worked in health care. I went on a blind date once and told the guy how seriously I took my job, and that although I wasn't a doctor (whose bad day can kill someone), I felt responsible for the patients with whom I worked, so bringing my problems into a conversation about their cancer or dying child was absolutely not acceptable. His job was to make sure college students had fun, and he balked at my comments. The date quickly went sour after an otherwise great three hours. I knew it wouldn't work when his perfect job meant farting around for eight hours a day. Don't get me wrong - I love casual Fridays (don't have them now), office potlucks and departmental retreats, but for the most part, work should be taken seriously.
Now that I work in higher education, it's a lot more relaxed. It's better and worse than health care in some ways, but I've noticed that feelings come into play a lot more. Any time we have an event, 18 people think they are entitled to be on the agenda as speakers. I'm assuming this dates back to the days of old - when pomp and circumstance and pageantry were revered, students actually respected their elders and faculty, and everything was an event - even meals at the dining hall. But it's 2012, and if you're going to have three hours of speakers before an actual event, go right ahead, but no one is paying attention. I don't do much public speaking, but I would imagine that if you look into the crowd and see numerous people looking down at their phones and iPads, you've lost them. Time to wrap it up. But if you tell speakers that this is going to happen and that maybe only one or two should speak, and they should keep their speeches to five minutes, they get all bent out of shape.
Obviously I don't want to get into detail about work, and no one cares about anyone else's job, but I'm just speechless sometimes at how personally things get taken. When you spend five minutes in a meeting telling us about what you did over the weekend (unless it's really cool like jumping out of a plane or discovering an alligator in your bathtub) or why you're running late, it's makes everyone else uncomfortable. Now, this isn't true when you work in a tiny little four-person department like I do, because if you're not family, you're not going to work well together, but the other 296 people who work for the same employer do not have to be your friends.
You're allowed to have feelings, but unless you are on that very short list of people I care deeply about (or we're both drunk, because I love everyone when I'm drunk), then don't bring them up in my presence or else I will think less of you. Just being honest...
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