Spoon Theory

This analogy of what it's like to have an autoimmune disease was recently shared on a website I regularly visit. First of all, I love that the website is called, But You Don't Look Sick. I think I look sick, but most people don't. My family thinks I look sick, because they watched me drop 20 pounds and go through hell without a diagnosis for several months, then they watched me face the decision of surgery or radiation, then they watched my eyes bug out of my head, and then they watched my face and body completely transform (aka gain it all back and then some) when I was on steroids for six months that saved my eyesight but ruined my social life for a while. My good friends know I look sick. Everyone else just thinks I'm overweight and that I always looks surprised. Guess what? I don't care anymore. I'm happy, slowly getting better, and about to embark on the biggest transformation of my life (I promise to blog about that next week). I know I'm sick and the people who matter know I'm sick. End of story. Except it doesn't end. Because people tend not to believe others are sick, and let that affect their opinions all too often. We judge each other way too much. So I've decided to educate people who prefer to judge me and others with Graves and in particular, thyroid eye disease. So please, take 10 minutes and read the Spoon Theory.

The spoon theory is applicable to most autoimmune diseases. And although Graves usually isn't as debilitating as lupus, it can be just as serious and you can die from it. And when Graves goes undiagnosed like mine did, or remains severe even after starting medication like mine did, it can really wreak havoc on a lot of things. For me, my social life took the biggest hit. Forget the appearance aspect...when going to work and making dinner take all your energy and you have to cancel your Friday night plans, no one asks if you need anything. Instead, they take it personally, get pissed off, and assume you are making excuses. Well, you know how the saying goes: when you assume, you make and ass out of u and me. I make decisions about how I spend my free time by first determining if I want to do X. I spent too much time in my past doing things to make others happy even if I was miserable. And guess what? I stayed miserable, so now I don't do things that don't make me happy. I'm not talking about taking out the trash or doing dishes - although you could argue those things make me happy because the end result is a clean home - but things like spending my Saturday out when I would rather be home reading or taking Rags to the dog park. So anyway, if I decide I do want to do X, then I need to figure out if I can physically handle it. If it's 95 degrees and X is taking place outside, then I know the answer is no. If X requires me being in a brightly lit room where sunglasses would not be acceptable, then the answer is no. If X involves any sort of physical exertion, unless I can take a shower immediately afterward, then the answer is no. This is all because of Graves, not because I don't like the heat or bright lights or exercise.

So when I cancel on you or say no to an invitation, try to remember that A. I don't owe you an explanation but B. it's not personal. You have no idea what is going on in someone else's life.