I can't decide whether I'm jealous of the 10"+ of snow that my hometown got overnight and the prediction of another 4-10" by tomorrow night, or if I'm glad that it's 80 degrees here today. Don't get me wrong, I hate the cold and the snow, but I've been having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year. Maybe it's because my parents announced their divorce plans last month. Maybe it's the fact that I have no money to buy anyone nice gifts this year (I do not recommend doing an unpaid internship!). Or maybe it's just because there is one part of me I cannot deny - I am a New Englander and white Christmases are simply what I expect.
I'll be home late at night on Christmas Eve (as long as there are no blizzards between Gainesville and Hartford) and hopefully it'll still be white when I get there, but Christmas just isn't going to be the same this year. My parents told my brother and I not to get them anything. I'm in charge of cooking Christmas Day dinner. And there won't be a real tree. This is the beginning of the end of my parents' marriage and there will be many 'lasts' this Christmas.
I'm not looking for pity or anything, I just can't help feeling like I finally understand why people hate the holidays. It's just not the same when the people you love the most are hurting and can't put that aside for a week or two. I am still blessed with good health, a great family, amazing friends and wonderful opportunities. There are so many people out there that don't have one thing to be happy about this holiday season - people who are homeless, sick, broke, incarcerated or really, truly alone. I have so much to be thankful for and yet I'm going to be selfish for one Christmas and say that this year, the holidays suck.
